Thank you, Marya Hornbacher

When I was deep in my eating disorder, I was desperate to feel a connection to anything and anyone.  I felt alone and isolated from the rest of the world because, well, that's the nature of eating disorders.  So ever since I was young - and even now - I found comfort in books and movies about suicide, abandoned children, broken families, and betrayal. 
 The day I entered treatment was the first time I read about somebody with an eating disorder.  Before that, I've never spoken openly with anyone with any sort of mental illness.  Many reviews said the book may be triggering, but to me, it was my refuge, my sanctuary.  I can read this passage now and see so clearly that I am in a much better place than I was just several months ago.


“People with eating disorders tend to be very diametrical thinkers – everything is the end of the world, everything rides on this one thing, and everyone tells you you're very dramatic, very intense, and they see it as an affectation, but it´s actually just how you think. It really seems to you that the sky will fall if you are not personally holding it up. On the one hand, this is sheer arrogance; on the other hand, this is a very real fear. And it isn't that you ignore the potential repercussions of your actions. You don't think there are any. Because you are not even there.”
-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia